I Really Want To Be Schizophrenic, But I Don’t Hear Voices Part 1

I Really Want To Be Schizophrenic, But I Don’t Hear Voices Part 2 »

I Really Want To Be Schizophrenic, But I Don’t Hear Voices Part 1

August 1, 2012 by doesmybumlookbiginthis

Guys, I’ve never mentioned this before, but I actually really want to be schizophrenic… it’s just I don’t here voices. Can you help?

Like, I watched A Beautiful Mind a couple of years ago and I loved it. I mean, this guy was super intelligent and then he started living this dramatic life running from spies and stuff, except he was hallucinating it all. It wasn’t real.

Anyway so when I saw this film I was like, that would be really good. To, you know, be schizophrenic. And, like, I really want to be schizophrenic and go to treatment and counselling and that, because then I’ll get quite a lot of attention.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to actually hallucinate and think people are there when they’re not. I mean, I don’t want to be crazy LOL. If I just heard the odd voice, that would be really good. Then maybe, like, the guy I like will finally notice me, because I’ll be all emo and anti-social, and he’ll look into my soul and shit.

Anyway, so I was thinking how can I become schizophrenic, but only schizophrenic enough to get attention and I came up with the idea! Maybe there’s a website I can go on!

Maybe there’s like, a site that gives you tips on how to become schizophrenic. Like, maybe rocking back and forth in a dark room helps to make you schizo, because I’ve heard that’s what crazy people do.

Right? Maybe there’s a site which will tell me wearing a tin foil hat will help the paranoia increase, because people who do that are crazy too. And, like, maybe muttering under your breath in public will help as well. Like, I really want to be schizophrenic because I’m so mentally healthy it SUCKS. I mean, like, I have so much already, that I kind of want to hear voices. You know?

Just because I don’t hear voices doesn’t mean I can’t be schizophrenic, right? I know people say it’s a mental illness and it relies on inherited predisposition and environmental factors… but I still think I could be schizophrenic. I mean, how hard can it be?

And for all the people who say it’s not so simple, and that I shouldn’t be trying to make myself schizophrenic when there are people out there actually suffering, who can’t get a job because of mental health stigma, and who actually have visual and/or auditory hallucinations, psychotic episodes and have to be on medication possibly for the rest of their lives? Yeah well, I don’t think about that stuff. That’s not going to happen to me. All I want is to be temporarily schizophrenic, you know? Just to be the awkward girl in the corner, like Bella from Twilight. I mean, she was so awkward and quiet, and Edward noticed her. If I were schizophrenic, people would feel sorry for me and talk to me more.

So don’t try to tell me not to be wannaphrenic, OK? Because you just don’t understand.

But if you know if recording your voice and playing it back to you when you’re asleep works, then let me know, K?

Love,

That girl that you want to shake some sense into.

(I hope you know where I’m going with this, but I’ll post Part 2 tomorrow just in case)

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Posted in Current Issues, Eating Disorders, Mental Health | Tagged Anorexia, Disorders, Drama, Eating Disorders, Emo, Health, Humour, Mental Health, Pro-Anorexia, Schizophrenia, Stereotypes, Twilight, Wannarexia | 28 Comments

28 Responses

on August 1, 2012 at 2:26 PM | Reply Fiona

My very best friend in the whole wide world has Schizophrenia, so I learnt as much as I could in order to be a more supportive friend, it’s awful. It’s like the cancer diagnosis of MH. So those wannas are welcome to it. Just like they are welcome to our ED’s!
I think it’s a brilliant comparison you are doing here. I’d also compare people wanting cancer because it makes you thin, you get to wear some really cool scarves, it’s so rad to have no eyelashes, and having thrush in your mouth would help you stop eating…
Wannas need a diagnosis all of their own. Oh wait, they already have one – hysterical attention seeking idiots?
Love you xxx
- on August 2, 2012 at 1:37 PM | Reply doesmybumlookbiginthis
  
  You’re such a good friend to research Schizophrenia I’ve never known anyone with Schizophrenia but i know someone who worked in mental health and the stigma is so potent, especially when it affects employment.
  
  It’s funny you mention thrush in the mouth, i’ve had that and i still wanted to binge despite the excruciating pain of swallowing. I didn’t, but it didn’t stop me wanting to. Proving ED means business since 1998
  
  I like your diagnosis Fiona love you too xxx
on August 1, 2012 at 3:08 PM | Reply Nataly

Hi hi hi! Like Fiona, I have a friend who is a diagnosed schizophrenic and know the trauma and suffering that those with it endure and that they’d never wish it on anyone else. I laughed hysterically through this though, because I love the comparison… wannaphrenia. brilliant xo
- on August 2, 2012 at 1:40 PM | Reply doesmybumlookbiginthis
  
  Thanks Nataly, it’s such an awful mental illness, i really feel for anyone who has it. I’m glad you liked wannaphrenic, i had a giggle at that myself xx
on August 1, 2012 at 3:57 PM | Reply Katie

ROFL
I love you.
I have done a similar comparison elsewhere online (facebook I think) in a comment on the subject, but it was nowhere near as eloquent or brilliant as this.
- on August 2, 2012 at 1:47 PM | Reply doesmybumlookbiginthis
  
  Oh thank you, any comparison showing how ridiculous wannarexia is is brilliant in my books xx
on August 1, 2012 at 4:04 PM | Reply Nicole Marie Story

I don’t get this post whatsoever, other than I suspect that you might be creating a relationship between pro-ED sites and pro-schiz sites, proving the ridiculousness and non-value of both. This post creeped me out, actually, only because it was so not you and so not real. Very much looking forward to tomorrow.
- on August 2, 2012 at 1:50 PM | Reply doesmybumlookbiginthis
  
  Yes it is so far from me, and that’s exactly what i was going for the follow-up post is up so you can see why i wrote it xx
on August 1, 2012 at 4:46 PM | Reply Jo

Dying with laughter. I can’t even …
- on August 2, 2012 at 1:51 PM | Reply doesmybumlookbiginthis
  
  Haha i’m glad you liked it xx
on August 1, 2012 at 7:03 PM | Reply missymiller

you. rule.

#schinzpo
- on August 2, 2012 at 1:52 PM | Reply doesmybumlookbiginthis
  
  Hahaha #schinzpo, brilliant xx
  - on August 7, 2012 at 5:18 PM | Reply missymiller
    
    Days later — still thinking about this post. Lol. I often compare my ED to spychizophrenia because of the way I feel in my skin is like a hallucination I know is not real but still…
    - on August 14, 2012 at 9:21 PM | Reply doesmybumlookbiginthis
      
      Thank you! Aww that’s awful, keep up the fight Missy xx
on August 1, 2012 at 7:39 PM | Reply scrunchy

This is really brilliant. Serious.

x.
- on August 2, 2012 at 1:53 PM | Reply doesmybumlookbiginthis
  
  Thank you xx
on August 1, 2012 at 10:39 PM | Reply the_lunatic

I second the ‘brilliant.’ Great read
- on August 2, 2012 at 1:53 PM | Reply doesmybumlookbiginthis
  
  Haha thanks xx
on August 2, 2012 at 2:14 AM | Reply myendlessreasons

Too funny… too funny. Well done.
- on August 2, 2012 at 1:55 PM | Reply doesmybumlookbiginthis
  
  I’m glad you liked it! xx
on August 2, 2012 at 5:13 AM | Reply jennifer5hope

This. Is. So. Good. Seriously, so spot on, thank you for it and I hope some of the Wannas read it!! xxoo
- on August 2, 2012 at 1:56 PM | Reply doesmybumlookbiginthis
  
  Me too! I hope they do some research as well xx
on August 2, 2012 at 7:13 AM | Reply Greta

This is one of my favorite reads this morning!
So looking forward to the second half!
- on August 2, 2012 at 1:57 PM | Reply doesmybumlookbiginthis
  
  Thank you Greta, I just posted part 2 xx
on August 2, 2012 at 12:21 PM | Reply myendlessreasons

Reblogged this on myendlessreasons and commented:
Beyond fabulous… Love it!
- on August 2, 2012 at 1:57 PM | Reply doesmybumlookbiginthis
  
  Thank you for the re-blog my dear xx
on August 13, 2012 at 9:38 AM | Reply Aggy

THIS. IS. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are awesome =D
on December 18, 2012 at 9:58 AM | Reply Stanzi

this is so funny lol, I mean not that schizophrenia is funny, I’ve got pyschosis probably schizoprenia so I just dont get why people would want it you know. like emos think they should have it. But I’m a blonde girly girl full of make up who isnt emo at all and I still got it.